Fading Memories

I dreamt of you last night
For the the first time in a while
You were different but still undeniably you
Your face was rounder, almost piggish
Rolling around in the dirt with clenched fists and eyes tightly closed
Throwing a tantrum
I watched without knowing why or what to do
Then you slept
Then I was awake

Too True

Thin Red Line

Jimmy Hoffa

I dreamt I was on the wrong side of a very large labor dispute
I knew I was on the wrong side because my company had placed me in a window of our building with a sniper rifle
As the striking workers began to march closer and closer to the gate,
I began to shoot
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
They fell in crying panic
I remember an older man dressed in white who had been at the forefront of the crowd and the workers' movement
Shooting him startled me awake
Why would I kill a man who was only trying to provide a better life for his family?

Conference

Rolling sky

Sick

Feeling fluish
Achey, painy, shaking with cold chills
I'm struggling to keep my eyes open as my head sinks to the table
My vision is blurry and I've been coughing like a lifelong smoker
Need whiskey and cough medicine
Sleep and a warm caress
Too early in the season to be so vulnerable to the elements
Is it regular flu or the one that comes from pigs?
Who cares
It all sucks the same
Call 911 and tell them to send me some magical elixir
I'll start drinking and won't stop till there's a drowning
Me or the monster
One of us has to go

The Descent - William Carlos Willams

The descent beckons
as the ascent beckoned.
Memory is a kind
of accomplishment,
a sort of renewal
even
an initiation, since the spaces it opens are new places
inhabited by hordes
heretofore unrealized,
of new kinds—
since their movements
are toward new objectives
(even though formerly they were abandoned).

No defeat is made up entirely of defeat—since
the world it opens is always a place
formerly
unsuspected. A
world lost,
a world unsuspected,
beckons to new places
and no whiteness (lost) is so white as the memory
of whiteness .

With evening, love wakens
though its shadows
which are alive by reason
of the sun shining—
grow sleepy now and drop away
from desire .

Love without shadows stirs now
beginning to awaken
as night
advances.

The descent
made up of despairs
and without accomplishment
realizes a new awakening:
which is a reversal
of despair.
For what we cannot accomplish, what
is denied to love,
what we have lost in the anticipation—
a descent follows,
endless and indestructible

Spiral of Handiwipes

Dawn of Autumn

Shadowed curtains
Not enough milligrams
Infinite download space
Gray pants and socks to match
Purring like thunder
Blow away the stale air
Fifteen minutes 'till showtime
How about a little sleep aid
Beer can chicken and Cajun vegetables
Too many chairs 'round the firepit
Happy birthday to you
Hide the smoke from the children
Lame hauntings at steep prices
Pass along the random pimp hat
Not enough vodka in the lemonade
Too sober to forget the weekend

Blockage

Staring at a blank white page
Struggling to open the gates and let the words spill forth
My thoughts are corrupted and entangled in sticky webs
Nothing but snow and static are reaching the transmitters
I'm blocked by emotional and psychological barricades
Forcing me to withdraw and hold back the tide
There are times when inspiration comes like a rocket
It's all I can do to just steer the crazy thing
Other times, like today, my fingers are heavy like anvils
They crawl and lurch over the keyboard with labored defiance
My heart is working against me, and my heart always has the upper hand

Warm Chucks

Choices

Lil' Firepit

District 9 OST

Fountain

Cain and Abel

Connected through circumstance at an early age
Sharing car rides and long nights of inebriation and '90's rap
Eventually claiming him as a brother, as I had no siblings of my own
We would laugh at things thought hilarious to us
While others looked on with confused and worried glances
Sharing tears and existentialism
I found support in his perspective, and hoped mine gave him the same
Carried over into young adulthood
When shared space made for uncomfortable but worthwhile experiences
The times when I felt most alone I would reach out to him
Knowing I could count on him through thick and thin
We would drink beer and liquor around the proverbial fire
As the mad string of people changed constantly around us
Even when I felt his actions were harmful to me
I would seek internal forgiveness, to extend to my one true friend
Who knows what it means to truly love someone
But if I've known it at all, I felt it for him
A relationship not given, but grown and harnessed
Shaped and re-shaped, manipulated and adjusted to stand the test
And suddenly broken by cliche and outside influence
Mistakes of mine which I try to fix and reconcile
Mistakes of his which perhaps he doesn't believe in
I'm filled with holes of loss and deep confusion
Now that I have no brother to turn to

Reunion

I go to see a cast of folks I haven't seen in years
There are those I know, and those I don't
There are those I don't care to
I meander around a maze of an old house
Downstairs and then upstairs and then back again
The wood on the old girl is dark and strong
Many memories are kept within the shaky, worn frame
The place is filled to capacity
An odd mix of drinkers and players and awkward wallflowers
I put my small alcoholic contribution in a crowded refrigerator
Returning periodically to slowly refuel
There's talk of a clandestine meeting
Someone's here and wants to see you, I'm told
But I'm not ready for what it requires, so I avoid the whole thing
We end up passing like ships, with just a word spoken between us
Time to take myself outside and get away from it all
Alone, I think of my love back home
And worry that I've drifted too far into the past
Eventually I'm surrounded by the ship and all her sailors
I smoke my cigarette and pretend not to care
A game is played and I toss it high and long
Watching as a cold scavenger plants seeds of later betrayal
Hindsight is, of course, 20/20
At the end of the night, I follow my drunken impulse
Making a short trip I have no business being on
I'm left with a small Japanese earring and no knowledge of what awaits me
Driving away, I realize I left my beer behind
But I'm comforted by the thought of who might drink it

Thursday

Waking up from a much needed respite
I walk to the mirror and swallow the light blue pill
In time my hands and my heart go numb
Out into the cold air I inhale and exhale with great relief
The twisting and swirling of my inner demons give way
It's time to put the beasts of Summer behind me
I hear laughter among the sellers of laborious healing
Vulgarity and harmless jibes are the soup of the day
There is cause for celebration as a milestone is reached
And a moment is dedicated to remembrance of new life
I share in a great feast paid for by distant fat cats
Almost forgetting that this meal could be my last
Some think there's no room for self-destructive survivors
But of course we've really got no place else to go
I lay on the niceties as the signals go out
Receiving nothing but silence and scorn in return
The path that lies before me is wrought with great obstacles
My blood soaked bandages are torn and ready to unravel
I check my watch and see it's now twelve past midnight
Time to let the almighty Spiral do its thing

Meat!